do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
