it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
