got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
