I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
