Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Randomize
