My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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