I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
