Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
I wish you could order shots online.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Holy sore nipples Batman
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
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