Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize
