god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
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