I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
