i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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