No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize
