Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
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