the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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