I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Be still, my beating vagina.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
I want a musical about memes.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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