When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
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