i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
