Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
