you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
