I molested 6 butterflies tonight
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Randomize
