Soap is not a condiment
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Randomize
