I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Randomize
