Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
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