she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Randomize
