dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
