I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Go christen that room with your naked body.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
