We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
