there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
