We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
