the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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