Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
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