he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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