Yo dont text me then not text me
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
It's not a walk of shame if you run
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
