I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
