You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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