He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
Randomize
