I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
