Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Randomize
