I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
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