who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Randomize
