We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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