so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
