Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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