i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
