When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Randomize
