ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
It's like God shit irony all over that family
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Randomize
