I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
