i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
birth control should be required to get into college
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
