I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
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