He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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