He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
