Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Randomize
