did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
