Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Randomize
