i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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