Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
